Was flipping through an old notebook, flailing for an idea and instead found these, written while wasting time at work about a week before Halloween in 2004. I could have sworn that I posted them then, but searching my own websites for keywords like “bobbing for apples” has yielded no results.

So here they are. They kind of cracked me up. They’ll crack Bee up and they’ll entertain my mom, who sends me a package for Halloween every year, even now.

Yeah, we’re entering my favorite season. Here in New York, the fall is getting glorious. I can’t remember when we last had a glorious fall, so I’d say we’re due.

a fairy princess
“Want some candy, little girl?”
voice much higher now

tonight is Halloween
little kids in their costumes
where are my glasses?

orange, black and purple
Halloween has many shades
this vomit looks peach

trick or treat at night
empty pillowcase at dawn
intense tummyache

mean old neighbor man
toilet paper running low
“Hey! Get off my lawn!”

bobbing for apples
i spike the tub with whiskey
little ghost passes out