A Defining Moment - What’s It Going To Be?

zodiac I wrote the following in a comment on a friend’s blog a few weeks ago. It’s one of my defining moments, those forks in the road, the kind you look back on 20 years later and write “and nothing was the same after that” in your journal or whatever.

Can’t seem to keep it out of my head. Similarly, songs from that time “just happen” to start playing on the ‘ol iTunes. So here we go.

During my Saturn return year (age 29), the year I had my “Oh sh** - what the hell am I doing - WTF do I do now?” moment… I spent a weekend with this man to get my mind off another man.

The guy made me totally swoon, as he was as Pagan as they come, and… for lack of a better word, mainstream. No flaming Sabretooth mane, no SCA outfits, no gauntlets… just a blue-eyed, cropped-sandy-haired New Englander sitting across from me at his kitchen table, doing my astrology chart by hand.

Despite being as Pagan as they come, I’d never really had my chart read before by someone who knew what he was doing. So when he said, “Hrm, there’s something really interesting here…” it was all news to me.

“See this? This line here?”

“Yeah, I see that line.”

“That divides your chart into two halves. One is how you’re affected by the world. The other is how you AFFECT the world.”

“Okay.”

“See all your planets here? They’re all bunched up on the ‘affected BY the world’ side.”

“…. Oh.”

“This is where you start. This is not set in stone.”

“What does that mean?” Of course, I already knew.

“It means that you’re going to have to do things a little differently.”

I sat there for a minute (felt like longer, but it couldn’t have been), just letting it all sink in. And then he said something that I’ll never forget.

“So what’s it going to be, girl? Are you going to affect the world, or are you going to be affected BY the world?”

I think this journey called becoming-what-I-am-becoming officially started right then.

Not surprisingly, one of my characters in THE KISS keeps saying, “So what’s it going to be?” (Whether she keeps saying that is something else again, but y’know.)

I would love to hear about some of your defining moments.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Marlowe Aster 04.04.09 at 5:47 pm: Hi Elizabeth,

Oh there is no doubt that we have many forks in the road where we choose which way to proceed in life.

My very first and powerful defining moment was after my suicide attempt in my early 20’s (yeah, over a guy) when I just figured out all by myself, with that inner certainty that you know comes from capital T Truth, that that there is no playing hooky from this classroom of life.

If I *had* been successful in my attempt, I would have been sent straight back again, in similar circumstances, to learn the lessons that *I* had selected for myself.

So I decided, then and there, that I might as well grit my teeth and learn them in *this* lifetime, and then get really smart ;D and hopefully have a better set of lessons down the track.

These days, I try not to wait for DRAMA anymore before I have further insights about which direction to take, and I take Soul’s little hints a lot earlier. This plan has worked out very well so far, and I just haven’t looked back.

Warmest wishes to you and your readers,
Marlowe

A Defining Moment - What’s It Going To Be?

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